A Tale of two Arses

Ah, Tuesday night away football, Conference-style. You can very much take it or leave it as the saying goes. But for 20+ hardy Sutton United souls, it's very much take what we can as we have to make another long midweek Northern trip. And some of the matches we've been to a cold Tuesday night haven't exactly turned out to be fruitful in the old pointage stakes. But maybe tonight...

Harold Shipman's Manor

As you get older in life, you may find that certain things become that bit harder. Things ache a bit more and you take longer to recover when you exert yourself . And you might not know it, but this is as true when it comes to following a non-league football club as it is when foolishly doing that bloody 10k run for charity. Well, at least the way we do it that is. Why? Because we're idiots, that's why.

Two Out of Three Ain't Bad

Well loyal readers it has been a while since yours truly blessed with my writings based upon a Sutton United blog, thanks again to our editor and chief Taz for stepping in for me that night I had the flu jab and my left side went into complete numbness. You shouldn't believe all the scandalous lies my colleagues here at Gandermonium might tell!

An Inspired Substitution

So the U's have done it once again. There's been a few, if rare, times that we seem to upset those on Social Media who like to have a little flutter and bank on a Sutton defeat in their accas this season. And yes, we've once again caused them to wish bankruptcy, death and all sorts on us for winning a game. More importantly though, when was the last time that Sutton United came back from being behind to end up leading and eventually winning a match? Must be a while ago. What? You expected me to know the answer?

Bubble Blowing Oompa Loompa

As a wise man once said "It's not the despair. I can take the despair. It's the hope I can't stand". A quote that sounds like it was created purely for following a rubbish football team the length and breadth of a nation, but sadly was actually dreamt up by some script writer for John Cleese to utter in the 1986 film 'Clockwise'. Oh well, beggars can't be choosers, it fits regardless of it's origin and also with the John Cleese angle gives me an 'in' for talking a bit more about this past weekend's shenanigans in Torquay, which is of course the location of Mr Cleese's slightly more memorable production 'Fawlty Towers'. See that? Fucking seamless.

Six Added Minutes

Hello dear reader. Yes, we're back with another of our rare little non-match related interludes, where we remind you that we can in fact read the written word and don't simply enjoy publications containing mainly images, adult in orientation or otherwise. That's right, it's another Gandermonium book review. And this time it's an even rarer treat for you as we're looking at a publication relating to something fairly close to our own hearts. Sutton bloody United of course! Because we just don't talk about them enough on here.

Dirty Barry's Dirty Weekend

Back in the seventies – will you stop fucking groaning at the back – back in the seventies the Dirty Weekend was a staple of British comedy and as much a part of popular culture as Glam Rock, Spangles and a clip round the earhole from you friendly neighbourhood copper.

A Boost of Confidence

Sorry folks, it's only me again at the reins of yet another Sutton United tale from the boys at Gandermonium. But to make things even worse (for you), it's that time of the year where a certain cup competition begins, one that has become the bane of the short-minded and the obsessive love of the lifers. Yeah you know what it is, it's time for the Surrey Senior Cup. Get in there!

They Call Me Wendy at Weekends

It's not happening at the moment is it for the poor boys of lil' old Sutton United. We can't buy a win for love or money currently. The worst thing is that we're not playing that badly really, but we just can't seem to put the ball into the back of the net. Gravesend & Northfleet Ebbsfleet was just down to individual errors, Halfax was just not the rub of the green and what about Barrow? Well read on squire, read on...

Unprescribed Scribe

Over the weekend, I took my mind off all things related to the nether reaches of the National League table by delving into the old movie library here at HQ and re-visiting an old classic with a watch of Kevin Smith's cult movie 'Clerks'. This provided a bit of amusement to help lighten the soul in these dark, troubled and largely winless times, educated the missus who hadn't previously seen it (no, really) and also unexpectedly provided me with the lead in to this latest episode of Gandermonium, as like Dante Hicks famously states in said motion picture, I'm not even supposed to be here today.