Six Added Minutes

Hello dear reader. Yes, we're back with another of our rare little non-match related interludes, where we remind you that we can in fact read the written word and don't simply enjoy publications containing mainly images, adult in orientation or otherwise. That's right, it's another Gandermonium book review. And this time it's an even rarer treat for you as we're looking at a publication relating to something fairly close to our own hearts. Sutton bloody United of course! Because we just don't talk about them enough on here.

Robin Friday - The Greatest Footballer You Never Saw

Many footballing superstars have graced the pitch at Sutton United down the years – far too many to mention here – but there’s one player who stepped out of the GGL tunnel as a kid back in May 1972 who really should have gone on to become a household name. A lad by the name of Robin Friday.

I Am The Gloryhunter

If there's one thing us Non-Leaguers hate, it's bloody gloryhunters. Be they armchair SKY TV twats who seem to wear a different replica shirt every couple of years and talk down to you because your games aren't on telly or the annoying know nothing once in a blue moon mob who turn up on the odd occasion we have something like a big game.

This Love Is Not For Cowards

"It's only a game!"

Come on, if you're a football fan of any standing you must have heard this phrase uttered at least once. Usually by a non-fan in response to you moaning about how shit your team were at the weekend. Or how being 12 points adrift of safety is leaving you clinically depressed. Or that the title charge that seemed so unstoppable a few weeks back is now in tatters after you've lost 3-0 at home to the bottom side.

Grobar

When you decide to go to a new place abroad, you usually do some sort of research. Is it a shithole? What are the bars & restaurants like? How much is a pint etc etc. And we here at Gandermonium are no different (come on, bar research is VERY important!), so when Juan suggested we slope on over to sunny Serbia later this year for a game, we of course wanted to know what the deal is. Mainly as all we could tell you about the place is the names of several of the 1991 Red Star Belgrade side, that NATO bombed the fuck out of it in the late 90's and they've produced one or two war criminals.

Up Phonpei

As football fans, most of us have one thing in common. We'd quite like to have been good enough to have had a real go ourselves. And I'm not talking sunday morning stuff, as even 'tards like me can turn up and run around (ok, jog a bit) hungover on some crappy park. No I mean proper stuff. Football that people actually recognise as 'real'. From our own beloved semi-pro standard, right up to Internationals.

Now, of course, 99.99999% of us never get close to even bothering to trying to act on these dreams, let alone actually lace up some boots and have a go. Mainly because we are, deep down, probably a bit too sensible\not brave enough and know we'd never manage it. 'Cos we're shit.

Red Card Roy

Right, let me tell you about me, Roy McDonough and Sutton United. Stick with this as you wouldn't have got this review, or Totts addition to the Gandermonium roster of star writers, if it hadn't been for being forced to haul the memory back fifteen years to try and back up an anecdote I was trying to roll out on the Amber Planet website.

I Am Zlatan Ibrahimovic

A couple of moths back, I finally caved and bought myself one of those not-so-new fangled Kindle wotsits. Now, previously I'd grumpily said I'd never bother as I preferred books and turning real paper pages, plus I never needed to have more than 1 book on me at a time, but then I had to re-evaluate my stance. The main reason being that a series of novels I've been following for ages has suddenly started releasing little spin offs in e-book only format and worst of all, they're referring to the events in them in the main printed time line. So, under duress and wanting to know what the hell was going on, I gave in. And now, much to her indoors amusement, I'm all Kindled up.

Passovotchka

Look, we're going to persevere with this "Hey look at us, we can read! We're dead clever and fings!" thing, so you may as well just pipe down and get used to it. Who knows, you might even learn something! Although the thought of us providing anything of educational value other than new swearwords, where's best to drink in the likes of Weston-Super-Mare and what a shithole Borehamwood is scares even us.

Calcio

Let’s get it out of the way straight off the bat. I don’t really like Italian football.

Yes, it’s very technical and there are plenty of aspects to be admired, but I largely find it dull, boring, negative, cynical and rarely fulfilling. “So why are you bothering to read a book on the history of Italian football then you dickhead?” I hear you cry. Well, you’ve gotta give it a chance haven’t you? It surely can’t all be cynical defending, 0-0 draws, fixed matches and financial basket cases.

Can it?

Tor!

Welcome to the second Gandermonium Literary review. Yes, it's once again time to suspend your disbelief that the idiots involved with this can actually read and don't just partake in books with lots of pictures in them, usually to be used in conjunction with some sort of colouring implements.

Heartfelt

Here's a break from the norm eh?

The old Gandermonium was a bit set in it's ways, our match reports were about as wordy as we got. But with the return of this load of nonsense, we thought we'd try something a bit different to keep things interesting. With this in mind, I give you the first 'Gandermonium Literary Review'.

Yeah, I know. Amazing innit. We can read.