Crocodile Shoes

New Years resolutions. We're not sure why people bother to be honest. They always seem to choose something that is either quite vague (Be more adventurous!) or that's almost certainly going to lead to disappointment and or failure (Eat healthier!). We here at Gandermonium rarely, if ever bother for these reasons alone and that's before you consider it's a 12 month commitment. Sod that. We've got other more important things to worry about.

2016/2017 Season Review - Part 3

So. as the season enters its final third we're finally able to relax and enjoy the run in with Conference safety assured. Like bollocks we can! We're in the last 16 of the FA Cup and have Arsenal at home, we still need points to be sure of National League football next season and Totts song is still doing the rounds! It's like a fucking madhouse round here. So, dive in dear reader and enjoy the drama and the chaos that was February to April in the last part of this Gandermonium Season Review...

2016/2017 Season Review - Part 2

In Part 1, we got our first Conference Season underway in 16 years, were briefly the 95th best team in England, got the impression we were largely going to be getting sod all away from home and also knocked the best team in the draw out of the FA Cup. So, not at all bad really. Now, it gets a bit wordy from here on in. so we'd suggest a cuppa and at least 2 digestives for this part.

To Dartford. And the FA Cup!

2016/2017 Season Review - Part 1

So here we are again. Another year, another season. Done. And whilst that means time for most of you to book a week somewhere sunny and the lads to go off and let their hair down, eating shit food and doing too many Jagerbombs, for us here at Gandermonium there's still work to be done. Mainly summarising all the shit we just watched for 9 months.

So, get a Jager down you, suck up that kebab and get your feet up as we relive our first season back at National Level for 16 years. Shouldn't take long, it's not like much happened after all....

Eh Up! Let's Sup!

Aaaand we are done. Finished. Complete. Concluded. Finito. This is now officially an ex-season. Deceased. Gawn to meet it's maker. It it not merely resting, but pushing up daisies. And what a funny old 9 months it's been to get here.

Dagenham Royal Swagger

Dagenham. Away. Easter bank holiday Monday. A clear sign that the long season is starting to wind its way to a conclusion. With this being my final report for Gandermonium before the summer break I decided to have a bit of a run up to it and posted up a daily Dagenham-related song on the old twitter feed across the bank holiday weekend.

The One and Only...

The title is quite relevant to I – as in I like the Chesney Hawkes’ song (which many of you readers will be aware as I have put this on the jukebox, often!).  But no, it could also mean that I am the one and only fighting “demons” and have been for the last year over so many different things, but I am man enough to admit it – it is not!  No, the title means that yours truly has season ticket number one, again, for the 2017/2018 season just like I had for this one.

Right in the Birkenheads

So, having failed to catch our train to Switzerland on Saturday by falling to another away defeat to a rather mediocre Woking side, we instead had the simple task of travelling all the way to Liverpool to face Tranmere to bag those 3 points which would all but confirm National League football next season.

Von Ryan's Express

If you were to use a popular internet search engine and enter the phrase 'Painfully long and unnecessarily drawn out processes', next to results like the refurbishment of London Bridge station and Belly deciding what fucking pint to have when stood at the bar you'd most likely find 'Sutton United's attempts to confirm further National League membership 2016/17' as one of the top results.

Plenty Of Fish

Sometimes, things don't quite pan out how you plan them. Take for instance just this very Tuesday where I'd aimed to head down for the mega 6 pointer with fellow Conf South promotee's from Kent who aren't Ebbsfleet. So well planned was my planning, that I had even 3 paragraphs of bollocks and pre-amble all written before the game.

Woodbines & Offal

It would be fair to say that my old man never really understood vegetarianism. He was an advocate of the old-school principle that everything from an animal’s arsehole to its snout was all fit for the pot. There used to be a stall in the long-lost , and long-lamented,  Sutton Indoor Market where you could get offal of every description. Trays of assorted guts would be lined up wobbling and shimmering under the strip lights.

Making Hard York of Things

So here we are. FA Cup Quarter Final day! 90 minutes from the Semi-Finals and a game at Wembley. Unfortunately, it's got absolutely bugger all to do with us given Mr Wenger's lot unfairly nudged us out by scoring more goals than us a couple of weeks back. And since then, we've instead been slogging it out on the road with trips to each end of the country to the likes of Torquay & Barrow.

Isn’t it good, no its BOREham Wood!

The title for this blog is inspired by The Beatles’ “Norwegian Wood” for those who are of an outstanding musical intellect like me!  So let’s begin by getting the past events out of the way. It was only a week ago that we had hosted Arsenal, yes that’s Arsenal Football Club in the Fifth Round of the FA Cup.

Stearn Return

As good old Mr AB would say “what a time it is to be a Sutton United fan” how right you are sir! So to recap the week’s events, Tuesday night saw history being witnessed as we knocked out AFC Wimbledon in the replay and even they could not blame the pitch this time.

Where the Sun Always Shines...

“Did you have a good Christmas?” Seriously, how many time do you get asked that inane question from Boxing Day onwards? The polite, and very British answer, is too say something equally brain-dead like “Yes. Quiet”

Brazilian Bum Lift

Right, formalities first. Merry Christmas and all other greetings of the season to our readers out there. We hope you were all properly stuffed over the festive period and got nicely pissed watching the umpteenth re-run of Morcambe & Wise no the gogglebox. Also, spare a thought for those less fortunate than yourselves at this time of year. Such as those in the occupied territories over the border in Carshalton.

Scooby Scooby Doo, Where Are You? Are You Lost In The Fog Now...

It’s hard to believe that this time one whole year ago I was at pretty much my lowest point in my life, and I mean seriously low. A bout of taking amitriptyline for migraines brought about a serious side effect of anxiety and depression – I am not afraid to admit it.

There’ll be bluebirds over the White Cliffs of Dover

To begin my blog I would like to say how saddened I was at the departure of Ross Stearn or in my case Rossi.  As loyal readers will know and gather Rossi was my favourite player; even more hard hitting than the departure of Harry Beautyman.  I would like to go on record to thank Ross for his time at Sutton United and a more personal thank you for the signed shirt (won by auction) and signed photo (birthday present from Natalie).  However, I realise footballers move on and so must we as a team.  Good luck mate!

Castellas, Double Diamond & Donkey Jackets

Aldershot. A proper old fourth division side whose name will always remind me of James Alexander-Gordon reading out the scores on Sports Report back in the seventies on the Light Programme as my old man jacked up the heating in his Hillman Minx on the way back from GGL on a cold December Saturday tea-time.

It's a Brough Old Life

Back in the drunken haze that was the Conference South title winning celebrations, we tried with difficulty to focus on the list of teams we'd be facing this season. One of them it seemed was North Furby, where no doubt those annoying little electronic burping, gurling children's toys come from. Then we focused a bit more and saw it was actually spelt 'Ferriby'.