400 up. Dundo's Gonna Get Ya!

It’s been a while since I’ve sat here on a Sunday morning and put together one these updates, and to be honest I was a little rusty. I'd lost the natural flow you need for this sort of thing. So I called up Dukey on Sunday morning for a bit of advice on how this stuff works again, and his best bit of advice was just do what you normally do Juan, write a load of bollocks as usual. Remember what it says on the blog, Sutton United, Beer and Bollox. Well thanks for your ever so helpful advice big man.

Hemelite? Ain't that a Beer?

Well where to start with this one then eh? First part of a double header against Hemel (today’s league game and then next Saturday in the F.A Cup up at theirs). Dukey needing a little bit of break from being a keyboard warrior and it was I who was slung to the forefront to bring you this weekend’s league fixture. Anyway before all that guff, let me fill you in on some events in Juan's life in the past week and trust me, they are as boring as ever.

Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.

It’s Friday night and I’m on a train and heading over to Leatherhead to see an old mate of mine who recently proposed to his Mrs, to discuss some wedding plans as he has indeed appointed moi as one of his Ushers. Is this a good idea? Only time will tell. I did however take to winding him up, by telling him I only needed to memorize three critical words, Bride, Groom, and Bar. That’s all the key information you need to know when attending a wedding right?

Tales of the Golden Boot, a lookalike, a Manc & some Truro.

So there I was at Dartford, the game finishing at 2 a piece and I thought I’d join the boys for a quiet couple of pints, and maybe a gin or two. That kind of feeling "Well it’s the weekend, and I haven’t got work next week, so I’ll let my hair down. Have a few beers Juan, go enjoy yourself..." Well I was so wrong!

Dukey did mention in his last write up about the Juan disappearing trick Saturday night, so let me fill you in...

Minority Report

So, the last of the PSFs. And it was back to me to cover it, seeing as Totts had been on duty during the week to do the Bobbins two bob 3G pitch. So I said to the EIC I’d cover the last game before the season gets under way, I’m now somewhat regretting that decision and idea.

El Plastico Fantastico

It’s that time of year again when the football season is once more upon us for the next 9 odd months or something like that. And well, it’s been a while since I’ve done one of these write up things (as Duke reminds me every bleedin' day of my life). Seeing as I missed most of last season due to rebuilding the Golf and getting it back on the road, a little project I thought which turned out to be a major one, never the less after getting my orders for the Editor in Chief (Taz), I thought I’d better get my arse back into gear and write some kind of interesting update to keep all you Gandermonium Fans pleased. Or something like that.

From Lithuania with Love (I sold my soul) - Drinking Abroad

Having witnessed history with Gibraltar's first ever competitive match, the gang now find themselves in the car park of the Estadio Algarve. It's 40km to Albufeira, they've got almost a full tank of gas, several packs of cigarettes, it's dark and some of them are wearing sunglasses.

Hit it Juan.

Rain Rain Go Away...

Have you ever been kicked in the bollocks? Have you ever fallen off your bike and smashed your crown jewels on the handle bars as you went over? Have you ever had a football fired at your knackers at 90 mph, and it’s smashed you so hard you fall to the ground in agony and wish you were dead? Oh you're lucky enough not have ever experienced this pain before or are of the lady persuasion? Well if you want to know how this feels then read on.

Angry Goalkeeper

Time check-5 pm:- Time to leave work and give it legs to the train station to make the next available train back into Sutton. Sweating like Oscar Pistorius waiting on the verdict at his murder trial I make the change at Sutton, and head back into the wilderness, no phone signal area of Banstead. The key into the front door and I’ve made it home in 50 minutes, touch!

"Hug me, I need to vomit..."

Times they are changing.

Well all those dreams have come true. The last 8 weeks down the lane, have seen some massive, massive improvements, both on and off the pitch. First off the off the pitch works have made a massive improvement to the ground, and the club. I myself keeping a close eye on the works over the last 8 weeks, pretty much popping down a few nights every week to take some snaps for me scrap book, and to well, have a nosey!

Dobrodosli u Beograd (Belgrade Pt1) - Football Abroad

So, did we go to Serbia for four days? Did we drink a shed load of beers? Did we tour three of the biggest clubs in the Jelen Super Liga? Did we see a game of football? Did we all get out alive? We might have! By the way, the 'all getting out alive' bit surprised us too.

Rockin all Dover the World

Time check: 1655, in a mad panic I rush down the office stairs and head into the gents to change from my work clobber into my football wear for tonight's game. With time not on my side, I coat myself in the poor mans quick shower spray, a.k.a Lynx Deodrant, grab my gear and hit the streets of Leatherhead to meet the Duke at the organised rendezvous. Nope, not a glamorous pump, but Leatherhead station. I storm up the street in a military style, not giving time to those that may be in my way. Head down, and march on through.

Monday Night Fever

AHOY! El Capitan Juan here again...

With the season drawing near to a close, with just two league games left to play, let's rewind the clock and go back in time for a look at the away fixture Vs Concordia Rangers! Back in August 2013, the early stages of the season. The Gandermonium Crew took a trip down to Concords ground, for what could only be described as a dire nil nil draw, reading back the report, not much to add to that other that a few drunken tweets, and of course the usual piss artist trickery the firm always get up to.

Cars and Pints and Pains

"Absence makes the heart grow fonder"

A wise man once told me,that. I guess like anything these days, you can fall in and out of love with it. Like foota, it can give you highs and it can give you lows. Of late I think it's been more lows with all these draws, have we hit our peak for the season? Are all these rescheduled games starting to take their toll? Only time will tell of course. It's not all bad though. We are still up there, still sitting in the Play Off places, so I've got no problem with that. It's just a real shame that if we pushed a little harder in the games following the destruction of Bromley a few weeks back, we could maybe have contested the title. But facing facts, I think a Play Off position is about right for where we are...

The Coach That Came in from the Cold

A later start on Saturday morning for the fans travelling via the Coaches put on by the Board for the trip down to Dorchester. Myself being somewhat of an eager beaver when it comes to Saturday mornings, my internal alarm clock decided to wake me up at the crack of dawn. Which wasn’t such a bad thing after all, as the night before I had failed to get the gear ready for the day’s adventure.  Bag grabbed off the hook, and I threw in the latest copy of GQ magazine for some light reading material for the journey, as well as the two flags lent to me via the Editor in Chief, and I was pretty much set for the journey.

The Long Good Tuesday.

It’s been a fair while since I’ve written up one of these match report, type things. So yep you’re stuck with me for this one! A little inspiration required...

"It's not enough that we do our best; sometimes we have to do what's required." -Sir Winston Churchill.

A quick call in to Duke this fine evening, to remind me, how this thing works, and what it is we have to do exactly. Duke then tells me he can’t talk for too long, as he needs to grab some clobber and head off down the cobbles to play with some kids for 90 minutes. I dunno, something about you at times Mr Duke is very, very wrong! So off he plods to go watch the Youth play down at Coldsore/Gestapo/ Mini Hitler Avenue to take in a Youth Game.

The youth of today

...are the future of tomorrow!

It’s been a while since I’ve scribbled down some notes about a game of football, and all the other shenanigans that go with it, well mainly drunk stories to be honest.  I thought it best to pull my finger out, and get myself back on here, and put together some kind of input! Let’s be honest Dukey looks as though he may be starting to lose weight from all the typing he’s been doing of late. HA!

A little shuffle of the deck...

Well, there have been some recent changes to personal in the last few weeks, days ,hours minutes. For those locked down to the official site and forum will have seen the updates! So over the last few weeks we first released Dean McDonald, shortly followed by our skipper and then Rivs, shortly followed by Sam Rents! So where do they all end up? Margate, seems that’s where the party is at! Still more to this than meets the eye me reckons. With Terry Brown taking the helm at Margate, he is clearly looking to re-build his old AFC Wimbledon squad, with old faces returning.  Either that or the brown envelopes are bulging at the seams.

Parental advisory required: This post lacks alcohol....

Good evening religious readers of Gandermonium. For those hardcore readers, you will have no doubt noticed that our Editor in Chief gave you a fine write up of the thrashing of Carshalton some ten years ago. The thrashing even spawned a t-shirt! It’s not often that will happen in history I can tell you. So that now leaves me to cover this year’s Boxing Day write up, our home fixture against Hayes & Yeading, but before we get to that, we have some other news to cover.

Clear and Present Danger

The Resurrection of Juan. After a bit of a break from doing the write ups for various reasons on Gandermonium, for two reasons mainly. The shackles of love holding me down, and the lack of permission slips from she who must be obeyed!

That’s right I’m back for more...more pain, pleasure, football, and shit! So lets wind the clock back, and take a look at this week’s events. It’s been a bit of a shit house week for a member of the crew, Dukey!