Six Added Minutes

Hello dear reader. Yes, we're back with another of our rare little non-match related interludes, where we remind you that we can in fact read the written word and don't simply enjoy publications containing mainly images, adult in orientation or otherwise. That's right, it's another Gandermonium book review. And this time it's an even rarer treat for you as we're looking at a publication relating to something fairly close to our own hearts. Sutton bloody United of course! Because we just don't talk about them enough on here.

Stats Don't Lie

Bloody Football Association Challenge Cup shit. It can be a right curse as well as a saviour to many a teams fortunes. For Sutton on Saturday, it was a performance that never quite matched the result and will no doubt forever be remembered as the match that "had that keeper score in injury-time". Yeah, you fuck right off! At least they didn't mention that it was by an ex-player who doesn't have the best relationship with his former club.

Another Viral Youtube Hit

When things aren't going quite the way you'd hope on the pitch, it seems to serve as a magnet for all sorts of other misfortune and daft incidents to rear their ugly heads and plague you, the poor unsuspecting punter's already fragile mental state. And we at Gander Green Lane are no different. Take last week's train debacle for example, which essentially meant we went on holiday by mistake. Still, surely that's enough ridiculousness for one season? Right? RIGHT? Oh who am I kidding...

Shaggy Calf Lane

Despite being Non-League sad sacks who follow our little club up and down the land to such awe inspiring locations as Barrow, Hartlepool and Solihull, even we need the occasional break. A chance to decompress and experience what some would call 'normal' life on a Saturday afternoon during the football season, like what those who are slightly less fortunate that us not to live such a non-stop rock and roll lifestyle of endless drinking, Virgin Trains seat reservations and taking the piss out of Dukey's Windows Phone as ours.

Tuff Stuff Sluff

So the magic of the cup has once again graced us with her presence back down the Lane. And it's always nice once in a while to get away from the weekly grime & grind of standard league football. But with our recent spate of somewhat iffy-like performances of late, this might not have been the best time to play a team from the division below you. Not that Sutton fans are the ultimate when it comes to fatalists, oh no no no, we're always positive...

PIBCTSD

Welcome dear readers to another pointless and mildly absurd episode of your favourite Non-League football drinking blog. We hope you enjoyed our recent little European interlude as well as Totts special on the old Mitcham Stadium, which has proved to be somewhat popular and may indeed spawn a semi-regular feature on these here pages. However, if you're expecting it to trigger a sea change in style round here with heavily researched, thoughtfully written material laden with facts, you'd be sadly fucking mistaken. This is Gandermonium and it'll remain largely complete bollocks thank you very much.

The Third Best Team in Cambridge?

The magic of the cup is back once again for Sutton. And this time it's another trip 'Oop North' to take on some more football league opposition. Cambridgeshire is the county and Cambridge is the town city and surprisingly enough for once it's not to visit to Milton Road. Well you can't go there anyway now as it's flats or summat, but to The Abbey to take on the United.

No Midsomer, No Murder

The FA Cup. The world's oldest footballing competition and until last year, something we'd began to fall out of love with a little. Then, like the rest of the country, we decided to go all 'retro' & relive the 80's. In our case that involved going a bit mental knocking out 3 FL sides on the way to making the 5th Round, playing Arsenal at GGL and winding up swimming in so much cash even Scrooge McDuck was asking to pop round and use our pool.

The Wengerbus Is Coming!

After the glamour and non-stop length of the M1 excitement that was Guiseley away we thought we'd put our feet up this weekend, have a quiet one and play someone a bit more low key than a little town a few miles north of Leeds. Y'know. Someone like, I dunno, Premier League Arsenal?

Indecent Proposal?

This is something a little unusual for us. An attempt at being serious. It's not a practice we're particularly big on if we're honest. However, sometimes you just have to take a deep breath and be adult for a change I suppose. So here goes...

Marching On Together

Wow. Just bloody wow! Even after over 24 hours, we are all still in shock. Sutton bloody United are in the 5th Round of the bleedin' FA Cup. The last 16! Get in there! I still can't believe it. I really did think that beating AFC "look at me" Wimbledon in the 3rd Round replay was going to be the highlight of the season. Wrong again.

What's the Story, Tobermory?

Never been a fan of the Wombles, and truth be told never likely to be. Snouty-nosed fuckers scabbing off the jobs of street cleaners and bin-men.  Getting themselves all busy in shit that doesn’t concern them. You can keep em mate.

Lectica Colligendis Rodentia

Hello everyone and welcome to 2017. The year everyone is hoping will be better than the Brexit tainted, Trump electing, famous person killing 12 months that preceeded it. Well, all except us here at HQ that is. Why? Well, because as far as we're concerned, 2016 was a bloody cracker.

Yellow Submarine

For all our moaning lately about the FA Cup, the shit draws, the lack of respect paid by top level clubs and the fact it's all about the money these days we do, deep down, still love the old pot. However, Coventry was 27 years ago now. And it's 22 since we last dumped out a FL side and reached the 3rd round. So the CV is looking a bit dated now and is in need of some freshening up.

Got Nil-Nil Written All Over It

So it's FA Cup First Round day! Time to dust off the old Amber & Chocolate rosette, grab you wooden clacker and hoist the second biggest tin-foil cup you own (the biggest one obviously being your tin-foil Surrey Senior Cup) high above you head. After the defeat of the Vegans & Vegetarians in the round before, Dartford away was our reward. Not quite the glory tie you hope for, and it's more of a qualifying round match, but a winnable tie nonetheless.

Come On Everybody!

We're always moaning, amongst other things, about the draws the FA decide to lumber us with in their competitions. The reasons for this are simple. We're miserable bastards and the FA keep making us go to Hemel fucking Hempstead. Thankfully however, this year they've been way more generous.

Sad All Over

As we're Non-Leaguers, our FA Cup interest usually begins somewhere around September\October time. And frequently ends around then too. But if we're really lucky we might get to stumble through a couple of rounds, pinch a few FA Pounds for the kitty and get our name in the paper. So when the Final rocks round come May, we've usually already got our feet up at home. And if we're feeling really active, we'll go to the pub and watch it.

What Does the Fox Say?

And so another exit from the FA Cup. It is a shame that we didn't make the mighty first round and its also a shame we didn't play quite as good as we can. But unlike a defeat in the great Surrey Senior Cup, I cannot say that I was disappointed or disheartened. To be brutally honest I think I was more pissed at the stewarding than anything else.

Can We NOT Play You Every Week?

Thank christ that's over. If we don't see Hemel sodding Hempstead FC ever again it'll be too soon. Of course, it's not really their fault, but those twonks at the our lovely governing body who've seen fit to give us them 3 years running in their poxy comps. And of course, with 2 of the ties going to replays, that's FIVE meetings in 3 years without even counting the league encounters. I think it's safe to say that if we get paired up again in the Trophy this season, both sets of fans will be sharpening up the pitchforks and setting course for North London to torch FA Headquarters and their stupid velvet bag.

Oxblood & Mustard

Now we don't do this for the plaudits. Or money (Ha! If only!). No we do this writing about boozing and Non-League football for the sheer melonfarming love of it. And no awards or baubles or people blowing smoke up our arses is gonna change that in the slightest, oh no. Having said that though, we were just a little miffed not to get a nomination in this years Football Blogging awards.

You ungrateful bastards.