Battle of the Ex's

Well I can't say that I'm a fan of sober football. That's three pints or less before you ask. But sober football is really depressing, Especially when you factor in a 2-0 defeat at the hands of a team a  whole division below us. But at least we can still say that it's only pre-season and the real stuff hasn't quite started yet.

A Lil' Chip Slip

There's only six games of what is turning into a bastard slog of a season to go and the play-offs might be only four points away but they could be twenty points for all it matters. The way the results have been coming in recently, we'd be going down if we hadn't already acquired enough points. Ever want to depress yourself, then just have a butchers at our current form. Very uninspiring.

Ten Bob Pimp

I'm not a fan of clubs merging.  It all started going wrong when Corinthians merged with The Casuals for me and it's been down hill ever since.  I mean, even that bird on Countdown who does all the really hard sums hasn't got a clue how many thousands of Essex clubs eventually ended up in the Dagenham and Redbridge melting pot and don't even get me started on all that fucking nonsense at Gravesend.  What goes on down there doesn't concern me at all.

0239 265 4321. Hello Aqua!

We're now half way through the pre-season calendar and let's face it, I doubt very much it will be that memorable. Three games down, we've seen three goals, all in the last ten minutes. Shots have been at a premium and any vague entertainment is soon forgotten. So would a trip to Portsmouth be any different I wonder?

Dukey Don't Camp

Football, it's a bit of a passionate, tribal sport innit? I mean, ok it's a lot softer and cuddly and safer than it used to be, but there's something to be said for losing your shit occasionally. It can be quite cathartic. And I say that as someone who may have had a shout or two in the past. No, really. Hard to believe I know.

I Havant, Havant I?

I was beginning to dislike the 2015/16 season something rotten. As mentioned in the blog from Taz on Saturday, my relationship with technology is somewhat like that of Amish. In fact, considering that most of my electronic devices have gone the way of the Dodo it will come as no surprise that I nearly managed to break my latest new phone, whilst still in the shop. Having not actually bought it yet.

A Pocketful of Pepper

This blog is being sponsored by the National Black Pepper Appreciation Society in conjunction with the Association of Black Pepper Consumers. Some have said that Black Pepper is a kind of addiction for me and to be honest it probably is! For some reason I ended up at the end of the night with not only a packet of Waitrose's black pepper but also a pepper mill. How did that happen?

Angry Goalkeeper

Time check-5 pm:- Time to leave work and give it legs to the train station to make the next available train back into Sutton. Sweating like Oscar Pistorius waiting on the verdict at his murder trial I make the change at Sutton, and head back into the wilderness, no phone signal area of Banstead. The key into the front door and I’ve made it home in 50 minutes, touch!

Night of a Thousand Corners

Here we go ladies & gents. We're finally coming out of the last bend and we can see the finish line off in the distance, down the end of the final straight of season 2013\2014. And what a bend it's been, with three home games inside 6 days and a visit to Maidenhead still to come making 4 matches in a 7 day week. And to think those Premier League ponces cry about having to endure half that. Some people need to open a nice can of 'Man the fuck up' methinks.

One Robbie Pe-thick - One from the Archives

With the now customary shit wet winter weather once more cleaving it's way through the non-league programme, it means another journey back in time for us here at Gandermonium and an archive report to help fill the gap. Still, it's not all bad after Totts bit on the Ressies and 3G from yesterday.

So we fire up the Gandemonium time machine, a 1983 Datsun Cherry (have you seen how much Delorean's cost?), race to 28mph (much better on juice than getting to 88) to blast back to January 2005 and a weekender in sunny Portsmouth.

Coggins was one thing, but Rock is summat else!

Well here we are again and another cup game to witness as we begin our adventures in the FA Trophy. Our opponents were due to be Havant & Waterlooville who were destroyed at Westleigh Park back at the end of September.

Today was going to be so different from that fateful trip to the south coast. As always I was up at the crack of dawn looking back on another shocking week at work were I've been accused of trying to defraud the company with dodgy sick notes and the like. I won't go into too much detail as I tend to get a little carried away with my hate for the manager that I work under.

The Petersfield Chip Shop Disaster

"In all my 73 years, I've never been refused entry into a pub!" These were the words uttered by Indiana Jones' father (aka Sean Connery's stunt double) late on Saturday evening. And what a day that turned out to be, so why don't we get started and begin were all our good tales usually kick off? And that is on a Friday night...

The Battle of Waterloo-ville

Best to start from the top with this one!

Well, after a bit of a pants week at work, pushing paper around and sharpening pencils it was my time to cover our away fixture at Havant & Waterlooville. So as Duke (currently looking a tad Amish with his current skinhead and facial hair look) relaxes on his five week holiday from Kingston council, sitting around, twiddling his thumbs and scratching his head,and enjoying Thursday nights victory in the Surrey Senior Cup , and day dreaming of winning in this years final..... your stuck with me, to write up this weekends fixture!