Tennis Elbow

Before we get onto Dover let’s take a step back and consider what a great start we’ve had to this season under the guidance of Matt Gray, his top team and the revitalised and younger squad of players that he has assembled.

Where's the Pie?

So that's it once again for another season of football for our dear old Sutton United. This has been another one of those campaigns where we've had some great highs and yet again, some shit lows that come with our adventures. And of course, it ends on a limp whimper. But now it's time to say goodbye and fuck off to 2018/19 with one more blog.

Cannibalism or Herbalism

So, lets start with the positive and recap on the previous and what a great win/performance Saturday was against Wrexham! Thankfully yours truly missed the Boreham Wood fixture (less said about that, the better!), which happened to be the first home league game I'd missed since December 2015. Wrexham however was possibly the best performance I have seen in a long time and well done to all involved.

The Wrong End Of Town

Having slipped out of the Trophy in a muddy field in the arse end of Northamptonshire last weekend, we've mostly spent this week mumbling about 'Concentrating on the league' and consoling ourselves that a day out at Wembley is hugely overrated anyway as it's a shit soulless bowl and we'd hate being surrounded by loads of day trippers. Well, that's what we're telling ourselves anway...

Spoons Carpet

"Sutton for good mutton, Cheam for juicy beef....

"Croydon for a pretty girl and Mitcham for a thief."

I love a bit of local history me and this playground rhyme is thought to date back to the 1800's when our beloved Gander Green Lane was just that, a farm track populated mainly by geese and livestock. A bit like Eastleigh's fucking pitch is now but don't get me started on that shit show or I will have reeled off two thousand words of pure bile before I even mention tonight's opponents. 

There’ll be bluebirds over the White Cliffs of Dover

To begin my blog I would like to say how saddened I was at the departure of Ross Stearn or in my case Rossi.  As loyal readers will know and gather Rossi was my favourite player; even more hard hitting than the departure of Harry Beautyman.  I would like to go on record to thank Ross for his time at Sutton United and a more personal thank you for the signed shirt (won by auction) and signed photo (birthday present from Natalie).  However, I realise footballers move on and so must we as a team.  Good luck mate!

The Fotze, The Fica & The Fitta

The second midweek away trip of the season is now upon us as we have a little cruise to Kent to contend with. This obviously means that it's a quick in and out job like you get with the neighbour's wife. And as most people know, we've to make this trip without the recently departed Wishart. No he's not brown bread, he just wants his bread buttered differently, and with more expensive butter. You know, the sort of stuff you get in Waitrose.

Kamikaze

For fuck sake, I can't fuckin' believe it. Wasn't that just a fuckin' kick in the teeth or what? I feel as depressed as going on a tandem on holiday in Centre Parcs.

After 24hrs since our season came to a bitterly disappointing end, I still feel absolutely gobsmacked! With what had started as a small dream soon became a nightmare as we limped over the finish line in what will be forever seen as a disappointing end to a near successful season of 2013/14. Even writing this is starting to depress me, but I must carry on like a gambling addict in Las Vegas, and try an finish what I started.

Rockin all Dover the World

Time check: 1655, in a mad panic I rush down the office stairs and head into the gents to change from my work clobber into my football wear for tonight's game. With time not on my side, I coat myself in the poor mans quick shower spray, a.k.a Lynx Deodrant, grab my gear and hit the streets of Leatherhead to meet the Duke at the organised rendezvous. Nope, not a glamorous pump, but Leatherhead station. I storm up the street in a military style, not giving time to those that may be in my way. Head down, and march on through.

Ferry Nice!

Eh? Whassat? We're playing games again? Godammit! Just as we're getting used to doing other stuff with our unexpected time off recently, we're now having to put all those interesting grown up things to one side again until May and go back to watching Non-League football and getting boozed. 

Oh if we really must....

Double Vera and Tonic Please

"There'll be bluebirds over, The white cliffs of Dover"

And I always thought that the bluebird was not indigenous to our fair young island? But who am I to disagree with a singer that is now synonymous with a cigarette paper used for roll-ups, or is that a drink made from Juniper Berries I wonder? Fuck knows.

Ben Dover Productions Presents...

Good evening sports fans! Well it finally had to happen and it did. I actually went back to work (well for the one day anyway!). And in order to recover from that trauma, I of course needed some more time off, so of course a quiet trip to Dover was in order to get some seaside air in the lungs. And after receiving the usual informational text from Mr X it was agreed that we would be getting the high speed train from St. Pancras in order to get to Dover for opening time for this one.