2016/2017 Season Review - Part 3

So. as the season enters its final third we're finally able to relax and enjoy the run in with Conference safety assured. Like bollocks we can! We're in the last 16 of the FA Cup and have Arsenal at home, we still need points to be sure of National League football next season and Totts song is still doing the rounds! It's like a fucking madhouse round here. So, dive in dear reader and enjoy the drama and the chaos that was February to April in the last part of this Gandermonium Season Review...

Cold Turkey

Oh come on, you know us. We might give it all the "Thank fuck that's over" and talk about putting our feet up as soon as the season ends, but when you finish mid-table like us this year, there's always loads of post-season malarkey going on to tempt you into just going to one more game. Just one more. A bit like Mr Creosote and that one tiny little 'wahfuh theen meent'. Can't hurt.

Then we'll definitely put our feet up. Honest.

2016/2017 Season Review - Part 2

In Part 1, we got our first Conference Season underway in 16 years, were briefly the 95th best team in England, got the impression we were largely going to be getting sod all away from home and also knocked the best team in the draw out of the FA Cup. So, not at all bad really. Now, it gets a bit wordy from here on in. so we'd suggest a cuppa and at least 2 digestives for this part.

To Dartford. And the FA Cup!

2016/2017 Season Review - Part 1

So here we are again. Another year, another season. Done. And whilst that means time for most of you to book a week somewhere sunny and the lads to go off and let their hair down, eating shit food and doing too many Jagerbombs, for us here at Gandermonium there's still work to be done. Mainly summarising all the shit we just watched for 9 months.

So, get a Jager down you, suck up that kebab and get your feet up as we relive our first season back at National Level for 16 years. Shouldn't take long, it's not like much happened after all....

Eh Up! Let's Sup!

Aaaand we are done. Finished. Complete. Concluded. Finito. This is now officially an ex-season. Deceased. Gawn to meet it's maker. It it not merely resting, but pushing up daisies. And what a funny old 9 months it's been to get here.

Hairy Chesters

Don't worry, we're nearly there now. It won't be long before we can all take a break from the ups and downs of yet another Sutton United season and just turn our heads to other pursuits. I don't know, something like watching cricket? Or maybe taking the wife to B&Q on a Saturday? Or even reorganise your DVD collection based on the studio that released it instead of a highly complicated system that is so complex, to even explain it in this blog would be fruitless. But I'll try anyway. I call it "Alphabetical".

Dagenham Royal Swagger

Dagenham. Away. Easter bank holiday Monday. A clear sign that the long season is starting to wind its way to a conclusion. With this being my final report for Gandermonium before the summer break I decided to have a bit of a run up to it and posted up a daily Dagenham-related song on the old twitter feed across the bank holiday weekend.

Three Blows to the Heed

As we arrive at the traditional Easter weekend double-header, I'm still rather surprised to realise that this year's campaign is very nearly over. I mean, it seemed to be going on and on at one point. But with Chocolate Egg weekend being a little late this year, we only have four games remaining. Four bloody more games of no importance to anyone as we're in no danger of a play off spot or relegation. Oh wait...

The One and Only...

The title is quite relevant to I – as in I like the Chesney Hawkes’ song (which many of you readers will be aware as I have put this on the jukebox, often!).  But no, it could also mean that I am the one and only fighting “demons” and have been for the last year over so many different things, but I am man enough to admit it – it is not!  No, the title means that yours truly has season ticket number one, again, for the 2017/2018 season just like I had for this one.

Right in the Birkenheads

So, having failed to catch our train to Switzerland on Saturday by falling to another away defeat to a rather mediocre Woking side, we instead had the simple task of travelling all the way to Liverpool to face Tranmere to bag those 3 points which would all but confirm National League football next season.

Von Ryan's Express

If you were to use a popular internet search engine and enter the phrase 'Painfully long and unnecessarily drawn out processes', next to results like the refurbishment of London Bridge station and Belly deciding what fucking pint to have when stood at the bar you'd most likely find 'Sutton United's attempts to confirm further National League membership 2016/17' as one of the top results.

Deacon's Thunderbolt

So with a mere eight games to go in what will no doubt be a semi-memorable season (I doubt Dover at home will be forgotten for a while that's for sure!), it was the turn of possible league champions Lincoln to visit the old Borough Sports Ground. And after the near demolition of North Ferriby on Saturday, we had every right to feel that this might not be a hammering we once thought it might be.

Plenty Of Fish

Sometimes, things don't quite pan out how you plan them. Take for instance just this very Tuesday where I'd aimed to head down for the mega 6 pointer with fellow Conf South promotee's from Kent who aren't Ebbsfleet. So well planned was my planning, that I had even 3 paragraphs of bollocks and pre-amble all written before the game.

The No Smoking Loza

So we're back at the Gallagher once again. Last time round it was a midweek contest that had second place Maidstone try and ultimately fail in stopping our charge towards the Conference South title. This time round it's a little different. 18th vs 19th. Still, at least we both ended up going up at the expense of Gravesend Ebbsfleet,

7 Balls & a Beaver

How's your luck, eh? Not for the first time this season (and probably not the last), our performance away from home doesn't reflect in the result. And in a results-driven business these days, that's all that matters. So with eleven games to go, Sutton were still a little short of the safety mark. Would a trip to Hampshire change all that? Well read on...

Woodbines & Offal

It would be fair to say that my old man never really understood vegetarianism. He was an advocate of the old-school principle that everything from an animal’s arsehole to its snout was all fit for the pot. There used to be a stall in the long-lost , and long-lamented,  Sutton Indoor Market where you could get offal of every description. Trays of assorted guts would be lined up wobbling and shimmering under the strip lights.

Making Hard York of Things

So here we are. FA Cup Quarter Final day! 90 minutes from the Semi-Finals and a game at Wembley. Unfortunately, it's got absolutely bugger all to do with us given Mr Wenger's lot unfairly nudged us out by scoring more goals than us a couple of weeks back. And since then, we've instead been slogging it out on the road with trips to each end of the country to the likes of Torquay & Barrow.

I Left my Guts to Barrow

Do you know that I was beginning to believe that Sutton's consecutive run in the GM Vauxhall National Conference without a clean sheet was going to go the distance. It seemed that I'd be telling my mini-dukes of the great heroics of when Sutton beat Gateshead 9-0 back in September 1990. And how it was the last time we'd stopped the oppo from scoring away from home.

Isn’t it good, no its BOREham Wood!

The title for this blog is inspired by The Beatles’ “Norwegian Wood” for those who are of an outstanding musical intellect like me!  So let’s begin by getting the past events out of the way. It was only a week ago that we had hosted Arsenal, yes that’s Arsenal Football Club in the Fifth Round of the FA Cup.

Double Tourque

Well thank fuck the media circus has finally fucked off and left town. Now it's time to get back to some sort of perceived normality. Especially considering that we seem to have slipped down the table somewhat a little bit of late. And what better way than to celebrate our return to boring old league action, but with a wealth of typically Gandermonium-mentality dick jokes!