Double Header & Done

Aah, the old Pre Season Friendlies. The footballing equivalent of non-consequential foreplay where you get a bit hot and sweaty, go through the motions but never reach any sort of satisfactory climax.  Still, they are part of the calendar and it has fallen to me to slam them into the bin on behalf of the Gandermonium cartel before the real thing gets under way at the weekend.

Fair Trade Friendly

So, moving swiftly on from Saturday's nonsense and our third straight away PSF, we're finally back into the (very!) warm embrace of Gander Green Lane for the first time this summer and we're welcoming old friends Dulwich along for the occasion. In stark contrast to last weeks oppo Havant, who as Dukey revealed we've faced some 13 times alone since we resurrected this shite in 2013, the pink and blue hued mob from SE22 have yet to be graced with anything other than a cursory mention on here, as well as the occasional cheap jibe at their trendy, right on crowd via social media.

Battle of the Ex's

Well I can't say that I'm a fan of sober football. That's three pints or less before you ask. But sober football is really depressing, Especially when you factor in a 2-0 defeat at the hands of a team a  whole division below us. But at least we can still say that it's only pre-season and the real stuff hasn't quite started yet.

Garden of England

The times, they are a changing my friends. I mean, take the last few months for example, where there's been enough carry on to completely confuse and befuddle even the most clear minded of grown adults. First we lose our manager of 11 years, followed by most of our squad. Then the government try to bring in that 'porn pass' thing and then just as we think we might actually understand it all, they delay it at the last minute! Plus to top things off. England have become World Champions at Cricket. Yes, England. World Champions. At fucking cricket of all things. Barmy.

It's An Epilogue

They say that a week in football is a long time. Well if that's the case, then eleven weeks without any kind of football to watch feels like a bloody lifetime. Because it's been nearly three months since we last saw a Sutton side round off a very drab final third of the season with a disappointing performance right up there with paying $150 for a prostitute in Sydney and failing to get an erection.

Robin Friday - The Greatest Footballer You Never Saw

Many footballing superstars have graced the pitch at Sutton United down the years – far too many to mention here – but there’s one player who stepped out of the GGL tunnel as a kid back in May 1972 who really should have gone on to become a household name. A lad by the name of Robin Friday.

¿Dónde está Debbie de Bolton? - Football Abroad

So our lil' jaunt on the Spanish Main continues to roll on. The moving of our planned match of Chairman Totts much beloved Hercules from Sunday to Saturday at such a short notice had scuppered our original plan. But from somewhere, the footballing ground-hopping gods have given us a lifeline as a match is found at short notice for the Sunday.

Cuidado con ese árbol! - Football Abroad

A tough, grinding season's finally over, the manager has fucked off and so far so has about half of last year's squad. So you'd think now would be a good time to go and rediscover real life, start clocking up the brownie points with the other halves and generally forget all about the beautiful game for a few weeks. Especially as there's no World Cup on (FIFA or CONIFA!) to keep you otherwise amused? Wrong. You go find yet more football, obviously. Preferably somewhere with nicer weather and cheaper beer. And the more obscure the better.

2018/2019 Season Review - Part 3

Yes. We've finally made it. The third and final episode of our Season Review for 2018/19. So far in Part 1 and Part 2 you've heard how we started well, played in Europe, lost 2 penalty shoot outs, had lots of injuries, got knocked out of the FA Trophy, got put back in the FA Trophy and then got knocked out of the FA Trophy again before reaching the magic 52 points mark. So pretty low key stuff really. Still, at least it all sets up a properly exciting conclusion to the season eh? Uh, yeah, about that....

2018/2019 Season Review - Part 2

Welcome to Part Two of our annual Season Review! We're guessing the first bit was alright if you've come back for another helping. Still, s'pose you need something else to follow devotedly now that Game of Thrones thing is pretty much done and dusted eh? So, in Part One we made a decent start, got more than half our required survival total on the board, played in Europe, exited Europe, majorly upset part of East London and scraped into the First Round of the FA Cup. So pretty quiet really all told.

Well, what are you waiting for? Part Two's thataway. Over there. No, not there, there. To your left. No, your other left. Oh for god's sake...