2018/2019 Season Review - Part 1

Following last year's latest record breaking campaign and somewhat comfortably negotiating that 'tough second season' thing you always read about, we had to wonder what was coming next in 2018/19. Would we be even better? Would we suddenly find ourselves, absurdly, a Football League club come May? Or would it all be a proper fucking disaster and end with ignominious failure and a return to the National South? Ha! Like we're going to tell you that in the first para of a three part season review. Suckers!

Where's the Pie?

So that's it once again for another season of football for our dear old Sutton United. This has been another one of those campaigns where we've had some great highs and yet again, some shit lows that come with our adventures. And of course, it ends on a limp whimper. But now it's time to say goodbye and fuck off to 2018/19 with one more blog.

Snide Walnut Whip

Can we be honest with each other? We’ve knocked around together for a while and you should have got the measure of me by now and if you haven’t, I can’t really help you. Because here’s the thing – playing a team that is already relegated when you have nothing much to pitch for yourselves is basically the footballing equivalent of necrophilia.

Eighteen Hours or More

With the season burning down rapidly to the dog end of the Summer, we don't mind admitting a few of us are looking froward to the break. This season has been testing for many reasons, mostly financial and alcoholic in our case admittedly, but still it's been a tough 9 months for all concerned, not least our squad which is showing attrition levels somewhere on a par with Blackadder Goes Forth's 'Twenty Minuters'.

Who Throws a Shoe?

In Arab culture, showing the sole of your shoe has long been seen as an insulting gesture. So hitting someone with a shoe is naturally seen as even worse an insult. Arabs consider the sole of the shoe unclean because it is in contact the ground and associated with the foot, the lowest part of your body. So clumping someone with your trainer shows that the recipient is considered to be even lower than that. Which is why when Saddam Hussein’s statue was toppled in the centre of Baghdad in 2003, the locals piled in, footwear in hand.

Rumble Our Blanks

Oh Sutton United. You most definitely know how to put the cat amongst the pigeons don't ya? Just when we you think that the team have already sacked off the rest of the season, up pops up Craig Eastmond with a 95th minute headed winner at the back post to once again give ignite false dreams of the ye olde fabled lands of the top 7.

A Lil' Chip Slip

There's only six games of what is turning into a bastard slog of a season to go and the play-offs might be only four points away but they could be twenty points for all it matters. The way the results have been coming in recently, we'd be going down if we hadn't already acquired enough points. Ever want to depress yourself, then just have a butchers at our current form. Very uninspiring.

Chezzy Balls

What’s the best invention ever?

It’s subjective isn’t it? Some would go with the wheel, others lager and many wouldn’t give a shit as long as it doesn’t involve a Brexit panel discussion involving the usual parade of know-nothing politicians and fuckwit commentators grifting a living out of something they understand less than my cat. You will get my point and if you think this missive has started off a trifle larey you wait till I get onto BT Sport and East Midlands Trains. I don’t want to loose off all my bile in one heave.

Ctrl, Alt & Delete

Hello readers, welcome to another blog in the history of Gandermonium, and let us hope that this one reads more positively to recent events.  Mostly those being the form of the team which has been poor to put it politely. If you did not already know by now but on Tuesday saw the embarrassment of losing 3-0 at home to bottom of the league Braintree who are surely destined for the National League South.

Lucky to Get Nil

So, what's everyone got planned for the summer then? Going anywhere nice on your holidays? Maybe a bit of sun and sea, or are you a traditional staycationer sort? Me and the missus are thinking about Malta this year actually. What? I'm just asking! I'm really genuinely interested in our readers well being and what they're up to. Oh I see, you're one of those cynical types that is sat there thinking this is just some load of old flannel to avoid talking about a season that is going downhill quicker than Boeing's share price. Well, in that case you'd be absolutely bang on.