No Hablo Espanol! - Football Abroad

With Christmas fast approaching, most people would be concentrating on Presents, mince pies and what size turkey they need to feed the 5,000 on the big day. Me & the missus however aren't 'most people' and with a very trying year at work for me plus a hard 2nd year at Uni for her, we decided that rather than join the usual Xmas madness, we were going to sod off somewhere warm and instead keep minimum wage slaves in a job by doing all our shopping on Amazon when we got back.

A Bit of a Cocker

So tell me, what have Woodstock, Pulp & Brookside got in common? Well to be honest, and here at Gandermonium it could mean anything, it all started with the late Jarvis Joe Cocker (or was it the Spice Girls?) and ended up with Sutton United being mentioned in divorce papers. Yeah on second thoughts, don't bother trying to join the dots on that one, fuck knows how we managed.

400 up. Dundo's Gonna Get Ya!

It’s been a while since I’ve sat here on a Sunday morning and put together one these updates, and to be honest I was a little rusty. I'd lost the natural flow you need for this sort of thing. So I called up Dukey on Sunday morning for a bit of advice on how this stuff works again, and his best bit of advice was just do what you normally do Juan, write a load of bollocks as usual. Remember what it says on the blog, Sutton United, Beer and Bollox. Well thanks for your ever so helpful advice big man.

Curzon a Fuss

It's back. The FA Trophy returns to once more tantalise us with the rather ambitious dream of a day out at Wembley. And despite all our whinging this season (and past ones!) about samey old draws, the FA finally relented and gave us someone a bit different in Curzon Ashton. And I don't mean to be rude, but even hardy old stagers like us scratched our heads at that one and muttered "Never heard of 'em" before turning to Google for information.

Aden & Raiden

God you gotta love a cup tie. Well except when you lose of course. I mean, it's no good getting all excited for a game knowing that all it would take is a last minute kick in the old proverbials (Merstham away springs to mind) or to play with you strongest team available and still lose to a team several divisions below you (Merstham away still springs to mind).

Tending the Garden

Having recently become an unemployed bum in waiting, this tends to give you a fair bit of time to yourself. It also tests one's willpower. I mean, it would be easy to simply pull the duvet over your head and just lie stinking in your pit until midday before getting up and spending all day in your pants, filling the gaps between Jeremy Kyle re-runs with the odd phone call\email to recruitment firms.

Fortunately dear reader, I am not one of these people. I mean, for starters, have you ever watched an episode of Jeremy Kyle for christs sake?

Hawaii Constabulary Style

It's been a strange week. Like many other unfortunates across the country, I hauled my Turkey and Quality Street stuffed carcass out of bed on Monday and returned to work after the Xmas break. By Wednesday morning, I'd had my fill and coupled with old reservations about my employers, I'd done what can only be described as 'fucked my job off' and handed in my notice. By lunchtime the same day, I was on a train home, handed 'gardening leave' for the remainder of the next 3 months of my notice period. Which is a bit disappointing really, as I'm shit at gardening. Nor do I have a garden.

The Caribbean Curly Toe

So, after seeing the last game of last year and the first game of this year washed out due to the recent spot of inclement weather, we finally get to see our first game of 2016. It was time to entertain a former Ryman opponent of ours in Lowestoft Town. And who would've guessed, that since our defeat against Concord Rangers on November 28th last year, that we would still be playing in the first round.

Sten Guns in Hackbridge

The festive spirit? Don't get me fucking started. After a month of half-arsed and contrived piss ups by Christmas Eve I was flagging, so what did I do? Went to the Euston Flyer at lunchtime when the office closed for beer and whiskey and then headed south for a pre-arranged meet at the Hope in the occupied territories for some beard on beard action.

You Can Say No

When the news first broke about the fact we'd have to replay our FA Trophy tie with our 3rd Qual conquerors Concord, rather than getting the free pass we assumed their administrative faux pas would grant us, I personally wasn't all that fussed. Mainly as the FA announced the rematch was set for Wednesday the 16th December which is precisely when I was due to be soaking up some pre-Crimbo sun and wolfing down Paella in Valencia with the missus. So the Trophy could get fucked quite frankly.