Tony Daley's Gay?

Well, what a shit week that was eh? A rather lame exit from the County Cup, the loss of a well liked member of staff thanks to off the field events caused by utter weapons and then very recent ex-U Michael Boateng being nicked and subsequently charged as part of the match fixing enquiry launched a couple of weeks back. As Totts said on Twitter. "What next? Jenny the Giraffe nicked for possessing class A's?"

Add to this the release of James Folkes and Dean McDonald and the loaning of Jamie Taylor to Eastbourne late in the week and needless to say, there's proper sorry frowns all round.

When Hopes & Dreams become Nightmares

Ah, the Surrey Senior Cup, the hostess with the mostest, the bounty of the county, the one true prestigious trophy to have in your cabinet at the end of the season.

It is in this competition that I hold dear to my heart that tonight's game was going to played. For years now I've loved and looked after this cup waiting with baited breath to finally join level with Dulwich Hamlets on sixteen wins apiece. Ever since Duke was taken down to the "theatre of dreams" by Father Duke at the back end of the 92/93 season to see us win against our so called "friendly" rivals Carshalton have I seen us get closer and closer to Dulwich.

The Reserved Experience

Well, well, well, here we go again, here we go once more!

What, no game you say, no bloody game, what’s going on? How will us hardcore non league junkies get our football fix! In recent weeks as you are more than aware our F.A Cup Giant Killing came to an end at Kiddie. Still what a day out that was! Following the exit from the F.A Cup our minds turned to then, the F.A Trophy, and well those dreams were also shattered , going out of the Trophy to Havant at home. With both cup exits, and no home or away game listed for this Saturday, us mindless idiots at Gandermonium H.Q sat around scratching our heads and twiddling our thumbs. What is out there for us non- league diehard fans to do? With no Skrill south fixture on the cards, we picked our noses and scratched our arses, and shuffled our feet.

You Sir are a Failed Fox Murderer

The longest distance to travel to a game this season and everyone is in the Duke's love mobile. What could possibly go wrong?

Well lets start from the beginning, so somehow by the grace of God I'm managed to get the day off for this trip so I could still keep my hopes up for another perfect season in attendance once again. The first snitch of the day was the fact that I didn't look at the directions because I been to Weston a few times now. The problem with that was they were all in daylight and not in darkness around cone city...

A Whole Year of Talking Bollocks!

Fuck Really? And to the tune of Pet Shop Boys 1992 hit "Go West" One year, we're having a fit. One year, we're still talking shit. One year, and you'll find us near. One year, on the fuckin' beer!

Well who would've thought, one year ago to the day that Gandermonium was resurrected in its current form and begun once more enlightening the Sutton United supporter base with our drunken antics and we're still at it!

Coggins was one thing, but Rock is summat else!

Well here we are again and another cup game to witness as we begin our adventures in the FA Trophy. Our opponents were due to be Havant & Waterlooville who were destroyed at Westleigh Park back at the end of September.

Today was going to be so different from that fateful trip to the south coast. As always I was up at the crack of dawn looking back on another shocking week at work were I've been accused of trying to defraud the company with dodgy sick notes and the like. I won't go into too much detail as I tend to get a little carried away with my hate for the manager that I work under.

No Tresspassing!

I sense a pattern forming here.

Last day of last season and I get lumbered with doing the report away to Bath as our regulars Dukey & Juan were all 'worn out' from a 9 game run in April. Tonight, we're again away to Bath and with Dukey driving (and thus being utterly sober) and Juan currently wounded by cupids arrow and not travelling at all, it's down to dear old Taz to step once more into the breach and selflessly come to the rescue of these useless twats his comrades.

The Kiddy magical mystery tour

The whole Gandermonium staff were of course all present & correct in Kiddy for the cup tie yesterday, although not all of us were on the chuffer and stumbling into the pub at opening time. Newest member Totts chose to take the supporters coach up as it was cheap and allows normal saturday morning family routines to be followed. With what turned out to be a slightly fraught journey up, we half jokingly suggested Totts tell his story of his own FA Cup 1st round day. To our surprise, we got an email this arvo with all the gory details! So, here's the tale of our man on the bus....

The Unlucky 13

It’s Sunday morning, and I’ve just woken up! The Mrs wakes up next to me, and tells me that I stink like death. Well I tell her, it must have been that last can of Strongbow that I consumed on the Tube back from Euston. Well where do I Start with this one? I guess I’d better rewind, and go back into the depths of the last 24 hrs.

Juan-Juan. And where's Juan?

This is the 0919 service from Epsom. Calling at Cheam, Sutton..........

Duke's mind begins to wander away, not taking any notice of his surroundings, trying to think how after all these years he can still consume masses of alcohol with the other members of the Firm. And with Juan once again not getting permission from she who must be obeyed, it has to fall on the shoulders of the Duke who once again must spout some sort of drivel to keep you lot entertained so let get cracking and begin.....