Ceausescu Wasn't There

Finally, the magic that is the second most important cup (after the Surrey Senior!) to us has started for the season that will forever be known as 2014/15.

I do love the cup competitions because you get a chance to not worry about the ups & downs of the league for a change and sometimes you get to go to those occasional classic ties that you can regale your grandchildren with tales of.

One Step Forward, Two Steps Back

A woman sends her clothing to the dry cleaners. When it comes back, there are still stains in her panties. The next week she encloses a note to the cleaner: 'Use more soap on panties'. This goes on for several weeks, with the woman sending the same note to the dry cleaners. Finally the cleaner responds with a note: 'Use more paper on arse.'

Boom! Boom!

From Lithuania with Love (I sold my soul) - Drinking Abroad

Having witnessed history with Gibraltar's first ever competitive match, the gang now find themselves in the car park of the Estadio Algarve. It's 40km to Albufeira, they've got almost a full tank of gas, several packs of cigarettes, it's dark and some of them are wearing sunglasses.

Hit it Juan.

What Did Marcus Say?

A tourist is in Sutton one Saturday and he decides he would very much like to go to a football match, so he asks a man in the street if there are any local matches being played that afternoon. "Well," replies the man, "The Sutton United ground is very close but they're playing away today. If you feel you must really see a match, the Carshalton ground is not far away. You go straight down this road and you'll see two queues, a big queue and a small queue. You should go to the small queue because the big one is for the fish and chip shop."

It's the Minnows from the Rock! - Football Abroad

Shut up shut up SHUT UP!

I don't have the best relationship with my alarm clock as it is to be honest, but when the little cuboid bastard is waking me up at 5am on a Sunday morning with his shrill electronic banshee howl, my dislike for him reaches even greater hammer attack inducing levels. Ok, I accept that ultimately I set the time he goes off at, but bollocks. This is Gandermonium, so sense and rationality have absolutely no place here.

The Wrong Bookend

With a puff of smoke, the wheels of our plane land at Gatwick. The time is half past two, twenty minutes later than expected. For the past two days we've away doing what the Gandermonium Firm does best. But we won't be discussing any of that little trip here, we'll be leaving that little ditty for another time (soon!). Lets just say that over the course of two days we were considerably hung over and found ourselves considerably poorer at the end of it.

How do you follow that?

“Good morning, I’m from Sutton United Football Club.”

That’s my new calling card as I signed up for accordion virtuoso AB’s roving sales force for the club and took to the streets of The People’s Republic of West Sutton on Thursday on my trusty old bike to distribute propaganda on behalf of the Great Leader we know only as Dos.

And what a week it has been for fans of the heady brew of football and bollocks that is Gandermonium.